Author Jennifer Fink on writing what you know--despite the trolls

"You can almost hear what the trolls are going to say before you finish the thought in your own head."

Apr 04, 2024

Jennifer L.W. Fink started out as a registered nurse. Funny thing was, once she was out of nursing school, she missed writing papers. So when she was taking her baby firstborn son to the public library for story time and saw a book called Handbook of Freelance Writing, she thought, “Hmmm, maybe I could do that.” And so she did.

Jennifer followed the advice to “write what you know.” She started writing for nursing magazines, and because she was in the midst of having four sons, she also started blogging about being a boy mom.

Now, 25 years, two books (Building Boys and The First-Time Mom’s Guide to Raising Boys), one podcast (On Boys), and innumerable articles later, Jennifer is a leading voice on, as the subtitle of her latest book says, “raising great guys in a world that misunderstands males.”

I loved hearing how Jennifer has learned how to pivot so that she can keep doing the work she loves, how she’s adapted to the age of trolls, and why she still keeps her nursing license current.

I have to point out that this is the third interview in a row where my guest mentions that they have a phrase written on a Post-It note hanging above their computer monitor.

We covered:

How it started/how it’s going in terms of why she started writing about boys vs. why she does it now
A quick look into why boys are struggling lately
How an unexpected divorce launched her writing business to the next level (“failure was not an option”)
In praise of morning pages (a practice Jennifer learned in Julia Cameron’s “The Artist’s Way”)
Her focus and productivity hacks
Why she gets outside every day–even during a Wisconsin winter
A rumor about coffee with cream in it that Jennifer is choosing to ignore

“We are finally seeing some cultural and societal attention to the fact that many of our boys and young men are not thriving: they are falling behind academically, are more likely to die of suicide, are more likely to die of drug and alcohol use. As this is picking up attention, I feel like I have a lot to add to that conversation and I don't want other generations of parents and other generations of boys to struggle as much as previous generations.”

Finding the inspiration to write about controversial subjects in today’s age of nasty comments and trolling
Jennifer’s trick for keeping herself accountable and not avoiding writing about the hard stuff
The power of talking to other writers
The things her inner critic says, and how it gets louder when she’s doing the work that’s closest to her heart
The trick for getting things down on the page–and how that seeming blather transforms into ‘readable chapters’
The beauties and drawbacks of living in a rural area
The dichotomy of having a virtual job with a big network while living in a small, somewhat isolated town
Becoming a cliche as you grow older: “I started aqua aerobics recently”
Continuing to work when your body may have other plans
The caregiving sandwich
Dealing with the claustrophobia of being in a transitional period, or what Jennifer calls a hallway

The lure of leaving it all behind and becoming a flight attendant: “After raising teenagers, dealing with unruly passengers would be a cinch.”
The Building Boys Book Club Jennifer is currently dreaming up
What’s written on the Post-It note above her computer (there are two of them, actually)
Finding ways to connect more directly with the people who value your skills and expertise
Thinking about retirement, and having more regular access to scuba diving
Envisioning being able to work only on the things closest to your heart and having plenty of time for relationships
The Netflix show the world went crazy over a couple years ago that Jennifer just discovered
The secret to making movie-theater-caliber popcorn
Why December 23rd is the best day of her year, hands down

“I’d set a timer and bang out however many words I could and I'll be damned if it didn't turn into readable chapters despite my fears, every time."

Specific things we discuss:

Handbook for Freelance Writing, by Michael Perry
Focus at Will app
Of Boys and Men, by Richard V. Reeves
Janet Allison of Boys Alive!
The Queen’s Gambit

Lightbulb moments:

There is no shame in using ‘tricks’ (like Jennifer’s deadlines and timers) to do your work
Other people struggle with not getting around—like, ever—to the work that’s ‘just for them,’ too